Lately, I’ve
been afraid. I’ve been afraid of stepping into what God has ordained for my
life. The pastor’s wife, who is technically one of the pastors of my church,
came up to me during service one Sunday and gave me a Word from God. In this
Word, she emphasized that she believed God wanted me to speak in front of the
church one evening service for kind of a discussion about angels because she
believed that God had given me a special insight into them because of my book
series, Entertaining Angels.
Let me pause
a moment and say that I’ve felt a pull of sorts to speak about my story after I
wrote Entertaining Angels. I always
thought it was to help women/teen girls/girls see their worth in themselves and
in the eyes of the Savior. I never once thought that I knew anything more about
angels than any other person. To be honest, I’m still not sure that I do.
Okay, let’s
go back to what my pastor’s wife was telling me. She believes that God has
given me some insight into angels that our church needs to hear. Now, as the
mighty woman of God she is, who am I to disagree with her? She knows that God
wants me to do this. To be honest, I know that He does as well, but I’m scared.
I’m a
terrible speaker. I get nervous, and I mess up my words. I don’t look at the
crowd when I speak, and I sound very canned and unnatural. Not to mention, I
feel like everyone is judging me based on my looks and everything about me.
(Yes, I know I preach loving yourself, and I do love myself. Some things are
just harder to overcome, but I’m working on it.)
Why would
God choose me to do this? I’m better at typing out my words than I am at speaking
them. I’m no expert on angels, and frankly, I’m unqualified. But then I was
reminded of a few things.
One of them
is that none of us are qualified in the
technical sense. We’re all as unqualified as can be, but that doesn’t mean
that God hasn’t qualified us. He has. God has taken the most unqualified people
and qualified them to do a job FOR HIM.
I have to remind myself that I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it for God,
and He will give me the words to speak to His people. Whether it’s for this
speaking engagement or others. Even with my books.
Another
point I was reminded of was that Moses
was chosen to lead the people of Israel, and he felt the same way that I do.
He had a stutter, and he wasn’t that great of a speaker, but his brother,
Aaron, helped him speak. I have people around me who can help. My dad, he’s my
spiritual leader, and as a preacher, he is in this position a lot. The people
at my church are super supportive. They aren’t going to cast me aside if I mess
up a few words or stutter. They aren’t going to make fun of me, and I know that
even though I feel like Moses, I can do this. Just like he did.
And then, there
is Jonah. We all know that Jonah ran
from God when He wanted him to go to Ninevah and preach. And we all know
what happened to Jonah for his disobedience. He was swallowed by a whale and
spent three days in the belly of it before he was vomitted back on land where
he made sure he got to Nineveh faster than it was supposed to take! Am I saying that
God will cause a whale to swallow me? No, but I’m saying that I can relate to
Jonah. I know how it feels to not want to do something that God has asked you
to do. I know how scary it is to step up and face your fear.
Even as I
type this, I know I will do what has been asked of me, but I also feel very
nervous about it. I’m unsure about the task ahead. How am I supposed to give a
speech about angels? What do I talk about? What if I get something wrong and share a misconception instead of a fact? But I have to remember, God WANTS me
to do this, and He WILL equip me for
this. I know one thing for sure. I don’t want to be a Jonah.
Whatever
you’re facing today, just know that God is the one who qualifies you. He is the
only One who knows what you need more than you do, and He’s the One you’re
working for. Because when it’s all said and done, you’re doing this to glorify
Him. We have to keep that in mind as we step into whatever God has called us
to do. Whether it’s preaching, teaching, speaking, writing, God will provide the
answers you seek, and He will give us the strength and means to do whatever He
has sent us in the world to do. There’s one thing I know for sure. We got this.
It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect.
Psalm 18:32
As a side note, my books, Entertaining Angels and Before We Say I Do are free. Tomorrow's the last day to get them, though!
