I Don’t Want to Be a Jonah

Lately, I’ve been afraid. I’ve been afraid of stepping into what God has ordained for my life. The pastor’s wife, who is technically one of the pastors of my church, came up to me during service one Sunday and gave me a Word from God. In this Word, she emphasized that she believed God wanted me to speak in front of the church one evening service for kind of a discussion about angels because she believed that God had given me a special insight into them because of my book series, Entertaining Angels. 

Let me pause a moment and say that I’ve felt a pull of sorts to speak about my story after I wrote Entertaining Angels. I always thought it was to help women/teen girls/girls see their worth in themselves and in the eyes of the Savior. I never once thought that I knew anything more about angels than any other person. To be honest, I’m still not sure that I do. 

Okay, let’s go back to what my pastor’s wife was telling me. She believes that God has given me some insight into angels that our church needs to hear. Now, as the mighty woman of God she is, who am I to disagree with her? She knows that God wants me to do this. To be honest, I know that He does as well, but I’m scared. 

I’m a terrible speaker. I get nervous, and I mess up my words. I don’t look at the crowd when I speak, and I sound very canned and unnatural. Not to mention, I feel like everyone is judging me based on my looks and everything about me. (Yes, I know I preach loving yourself, and I do love myself. Some things are just harder to overcome, but I’m working on it.)

Why would God choose me to do this? I’m better at typing out my words than I am at speaking them. I’m no expert on angels, and frankly, I’m unqualified. But then I was reminded of a few things. 

One of them is that none of us are qualified in the technical sense. We’re all as unqualified as can be, but that doesn’t mean that God hasn’t qualified us. He has. God has taken the most unqualified people and qualified them to do a job FOR HIM. I have to remind myself that I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it for God, and He will give me the words to speak to His people. Whether it’s for this speaking engagement or others. Even with my books. 

Another point I was reminded of was that Moses was chosen to lead the people of Israel, and he felt the same way that I do. He had a stutter, and he wasn’t that great of a speaker, but his brother, Aaron, helped him speak. I have people around me who can help. My dad, he’s my spiritual leader, and as a preacher, he is in this position a lot. The people at my church are super supportive. They aren’t going to cast me aside if I mess up a few words or stutter. They aren’t going to make fun of me, and I know that even though I feel like Moses, I can do this. Just like he did. 

And then, there is Jonah. We all know that Jonah ran from God when He wanted him to go to Ninevah and preach. And we all know what happened to Jonah for his disobedience. He was swallowed by a whale and spent three days in the belly of it before he was vomitted back on land where he made sure he got to Nineveh faster than it was supposed to take! Am I saying that God will cause a whale to swallow me? No, but I’m saying that I can relate to Jonah. I know how it feels to not want to do something that God has asked you to do. I know how scary it is to step up and face your fear. 

Even as I type this, I know I will do what has been asked of me, but I also feel very nervous about it. I’m unsure about the task ahead. How am I supposed to give a speech about angels? What do I talk about? What if  I get something wrong and share a misconception instead of a fact? But I have to remember, God WANTS me to do this, and He WILL equip me for this. I know one thing for sure. I don’t want to be a Jonah. 

Whatever you’re facing today, just know that God is the one who qualifies you. He is the only One who knows what you need more than you do, and He’s the One you’re working for. Because when it’s all said and done, you’re doing this to glorify Him. We have to keep that in mind as we step into whatever God has called us to do. Whether it’s preaching, teaching, speaking, writing, God will provide the answers you seek, and He will give us the strength and means to do whatever He has sent us in the world to do. There’s one thing I know for sure. We got this.

It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect. Psalm 18:32

As a side note, my books, Entertaining Angels and Before We Say I Do are free. Tomorrow's the last day to get them, though!

God loves a Cheerful Giver!

The other day, I was talking to one of my nephews about a list he had "written". (He's four, so it was basically squiggly lines.) It was a list of toys he wanted, and he wanted me to buy it for him. Well, I didn't. I knew that if I bought one toy, I'd have to buy five - one for each of my nieces and nephews. Instead, I bought them all a pack of army men to share. You guessed it, it wasn't good enough.

Either way, I was cleaning out my purse before grocery shopping Monday, and I asked him if he wanted his list back. He asked me if I had bought a toy off of it for him, and I said, "No, baby. I didn't. I can't afford to buy you all one toy each." Just think, I have five nieces and nephews. If I bought each of them a $20 toy, it would cost me $100 just to buy them something.

Now, before I finish this story, let me tell you that I'm more convinced than ever that my nephew is called into the ministry when he's older. It's just a feeling we have, and the rest of this story might just prove that.

Back to the story, now. After I told him that, he said, "But Emmie, God will give it back to you. He will send His angels to give you back your money."

My heart about broke into tiny little pieces. First of all, this four year old grasps concepts we adults have a hard time comprehending, and two, he pays attention during church. Now I know he was using this as a way to get me to buy him toys, but it still made me think. How can this four year old understand what we, as adults, fail to understand? When you sow seeds, you will reap a harvest.

2 Corinthians 9 (verses 6-10) says:

⁶ But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. ⁷ So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. ⁸ And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work. ⁹ As it is written:

“He has dispersed abroad,
He has given to the poor;
His righteousness endures forever.”

¹⁰ Now may He who supplies seed to the sower, and bread for food, supply and multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness

My mom and I were talking the other day about how we weren't sowing like we should, and that was when we saw a family standing at a stop sign in Walmart parking lot, looking for money. So we gave money to them. I haven't seen a harvest from that sowing, yet, but I am confident that I will because I gave as a "cheerful giver."

Did you see that in the above verses? God loves a cheerful giver. When you give cheerfully, God sees in your heart that you aren't giving out of necessity or grudgingly. He will bless when you give.

I know that one of the hardest things to do is give when you're low on funds, but I tell you, that's when you need to give the most. If you need money, think about the above verses. Whatever you sow, sow believing, sow in faith, sow cheerfully, and God will supply and multiply the seeds you sow! Be ready to reap your harvest.

Take the advice of my four year old nephew, God will send His angels to give back what you've sown into the ground.

Realizing Who You Are in Christ

I know that I haven't posted here in a while, and I hope you'll forgive me.  It feels like life has gotten in the way, but to be honest, I was running from this project of mine. It started as a way for me to blog and connect with you in a way to help you understand the meaning of peace and refreshing.

See, God gave me the idea for a short devotional book based on the posts on this blog.  I didn't want to write because it's something that's completely new for me.  How can I write about something with authority and hope that it stikes a cord with someone?  But see, it's not my job to connect with someone about their life.  My job is to write what God tells me to because HE KNOWS how to connect with that someone.  So, I've had to learn a valuable lesson, and I have to blog and finish my book.  THAT is my job.

If you've stuck with me this far, I commend you.  It's been an amazing and eye-opening journey for me, and I hope that it has for you as well.

So, let's get on to what this post will be about today.  Realizing who you are in Christ.

Who are we?  How do we see ourselves?  I guarantee that the way you see yourself now is much different than the way God sees us.

Let me show you.  If I were to describe myself, I'd probably tell you that I'm overweight, have adult acne that drives me insane, and I have frizzy hair that I cannot tame.  What image does that strike with you?  Definitely not one that puts off a GOOD image of me, right?  In all honesty, I am overweight, and I do deal with adult acne, but my face isn't covered with it.  I'm not ugly because of my weight, and although my hair is frizzy, I love my brunette curls.  I am not an ugly woman, and please do not take that conceitedly.  Let me tell you why I say that about myself.  God said I was beautiful.

He did.  He told me that I was beautiful because I was HIS DAUGHTER!!  I am a daughter of Christ, and as His daughter, I walk in His authority.  I'm a princess.  (He told me that too.)  I walk with authority, and a princess doesn't walk with her shoulders slumped and letting the world's views of what she looks like bring her down.  No.  Just because she doesn't fit the standards of the world's view of true beauty doesn't mean she isn't beautiful.  God told her she's beautiful so she walks with that affirmation in her heart.

See, we shouldn't care what the world thinks about us.  I don't.  I know that God says I'm beautiful, so I listen to Him. He's told me that I'm His princess, so I walk with that authority.  God told me that He is preparing my future, so I walk knowing that My God is taking care of me.  What else do I need?  I certainly don't need the lies of the devil and this world to bring me down and make me think that God's worth isn't something.  I'm holding out for God's promises, and I'm not looking back.

Sunday evening at church, I overheard a young girl of ten or eleven talking about her weight.  She said that she was fat for her age.  I called her over and said, "Honey, listen to me.  I don't want to hear you talking about yourself like that.  You certainly aren't fat, and you are a beautiful young woman.  So please, don't call yourself that because if you say it enough, you'll start believing it."

I know this from experience.  I called myself fat from the very first day that I heard others say that I was, and although I am overweight, I kept that "fat" attitude stuck in my head, never believing I was pretty enough or good enough for anyone else.  What I didn't know or want to believe was that it didn't matter. Who needs negative people in their lives?  Certainly not me!  I've cut ties with people who can't see me for my true worth which is God's Child.  They don't need a place in my life, and they don't need a place in yours either.

I encourage you today, look in the mirror and say, "I'm a beautiful Child of God and just because the world says I'm ugly doesn't mean it's true!  That's a lie out of the pit of hell, and I refuse to believe a lie of the devil!  I AM BEAUTIFUL!"

God has laid it on my heart to share my story with y'all.  That's just part of it, and I'm sure a more detailed version will come later.  I haven't written it out, and I'm kind of scared to.  I don't like dealing with that emotional side, but I've put some of that emotion into an upcoming Christian novel titled, Entertaining Angels.

I know I don't discuss my writing career on here much because this isn't what this blog is for, but Entertaining Angels was written for the sole purpose of teaching young women their true worth and beauty.  When it's finally released (which I hope will be in March), I'll announce it here as well.

Until then, you can sign up for my newsletter at www.emeraldbarnes.us to stay up to date with my writing career and follow ebarnes23.wordpress.com.

I hope you realize just how beautiful you are, brothers and sisters in Christ, and if you have a story to share, please share in the comments or through my email.  If you have questions about finding your true worth, I'll help as much as I can.  You can reach me at emerald_barnes (at) yahoo (dot) com

Much love and God Bless!
xoxo

"Fear not, little flock..." How is fear trapping you?

Fear – it can bind us in so many different ways.  There is a fear of the unknown or our future, sometimes even our past, death, and in times of trouble.  We’re scared of things that we shouldn’t be, but you know, it’s human-nature to fear things that aren’t in our control.  I’m not talking about ghosts or zombies either.  What I’m talking about is a fear that will inevitably keep us from trusting that God has things in His control.  But, He ALWAYS has things under control. 

Our future is something that we will always be concerned about – especially when things aren’t going the way we want for it to.  Our life can take an unexpected turn, and then, boom, the devil is whispering in our ear telling us to be scared – that God has forsaken us and left us.  So, we end up FEARING the unknown future because we think that God has tossed us aside because we aren’t getting what we want in our life.

Proverbs 29:25 NKJV says, “The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.”

Let’s begin with the first line of this verse.  “The fear of man brings a snare…”  A snare is a trap.  It’s a trap that will keep us from trusting in the Lord.  Fear binds us from where we need to be in our steps with God. 

There was a time that I feared dying more than anything else in my life.  I feared that one morning my nieces would walk up stairs to wake their Auntie Em and find that I had died in my sleep.  But why should I fear dying?  Why should I let Satan trap me by making me fear the one thing that would bring me to God?  This had become a constant battle with me as I lay my head on my pillow each night.  I would lie in bed crying at times because it scared me so badly.  But one day, I let it go.  I let that fear go and began trusting that God would protect me and keep me in His loving arms. 

“…But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.”  And I’m still here.  I haven’t died, and I’m living to tell a story that someone needs to hear. 

Fear is a trap, and we just have to cut ourselves out of it by trusting the Lord.  Oh but trust is so hard!! How can we trust that our future will go where we want it to?  How can we trust that we’ll live through the night to see another beautiful day?  How can we trust that our past is really behind us and won’t rear its ugly head again? 

That’s were faith comes in.  Hebrews 11:1 NKJV says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  Faith is believing that things are taken care of, believing that whatever it is you are fearing is in God’s control.  God has His hands on your life.  He will protect you.  Just seek Him.    

Psalm 34:4 NKJV says, “I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.” 

God will take these fears away.  He knows that we’re only human, and that it’s in our nature to worry and fear.  But, what He wants from us is to trust Him, seek Him, and believe in Him because he has our best interests at heart. 

One Sunday our pastor said, “Faith is a motivator, not fear.”  It’s true.  Faith will motivate us.  Faith will cause mountains to move.  Fear will cripple us and trap us inside our own minds. 

Luke 12:32 NKJV -  “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”  God is watching out for us.  He has our best interests at heart.  Why should we fear when all we have to do is seek God and His kingdom? 

I will leave you with this verse. 1 John 4: 18 NKJV “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.  But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”

Be made perfect in love, the Love of God.  God is perfect love.  He casts out the fear in our lives, so we won’t be tormented.  God doesn’t want us to be miserable.  He wants us happy.   

“Fear not, little flock…”  

Where is God?

Have you ever felt like you cannot be comforted from whatever it is that is bothering you?  Maybe you feel like nothing will ever be right in your life again, that whatever hurts you will forever hang over your head.

You cry out the words, "Where is my help?"  And the verse may come to mind, "My help comes from the Lord."

You think, where is God in this?  Don't fret.  You aren't the only one who has thought that.  Even in the Bible, say in Psalm 119:82, it says,

"My eyes fail from searching Your word, Saying, "When will You comfort me?"

Sure, there are answers to your problems in the Word of God.  There are times, though, that you can read through the Bible and not find anything to help you deal with your problems.  Or, you find them but they don't alleviate your worries and concerns.

So you keep praying, and you keep searching. Good.  Keep doing do that.  Because, you WILL find GOD the more you read the word and search for Him.

He hasn't moved.  The problem is us.  We aren't casting all of our worries on God.  We aren't letting go of our problems and giving it to Him.

I've done this.  I've prayed and prayed until I felt like my prayers were bouncing off of the ceiling.  I felt like God wasn't hearing my cries for help, and I felt like if He was hearing them, He wasn't answering them.

That of course wasn't the case.  The answers I wanted weren't in God's will.  He was hearing me, and He was answering my prayers.  He just wasn't answering them the way I wanted Him to, but after some thought, and a good read through Psalms, I knew that I had to "Let Go and Let God."

He wants to help us.  He wants to comfort us, but we won't let Him.  We, as humans, want to fix the problems ourselves.  We want God to take a lead from us and follow our directions, but we can't do that.  We have to follow God's directions for our lives - the Word.

When you feel like God isn't near, I beg you to reconsider your thoughts.  God is right there.  Waiting.  Waiting on you to come to Him and let Him be the Father that He wants to be.  He wants to comfort His child.  It isn't His will to make us suffer.  We make ourselves suffer by not giving into Him and falling into His loving arms that are waiting for us.

Psalm 121: 1, 2

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills - From whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth."

I encourage you to read the rest of Psalm 121.  I encourage you to read through Psalms when you're hurting.  God wants to help you.  God IS your help.  Just call on Him, cast your burdens on Him, and He will deliver you.

Psalm 55:22

"Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved."

1 Peter 5:6, 7

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon him, for He cares for you."

Feeling Unworthy of Forgiveness

Last time, we covered feeling unworthy of love.  Today, I’d like to cover the feeling of unworthiness of forgiveness.

Maybe you can’t see your own worth because of the mistakes you’ve made in your life.  But let me tell you something – You are not perfect.  Once you accept this, you’ll see that it’s easier to move past your mistakes.

Notice I said easier.  It won’t be easy.  This I know, but eventually, the pain will end, and you’ll move past it.

No one is perfect.  Let’s look at this phrase a little closer.

We are only human.  There is no way we can be perfect.  Sure, we ought to strive for perfection, but we’re going to screw up.  It’s just us being human!

No matter how hard we try not to sin or mess up, chances are we’re going to at least once or a couple of times our life. 

Romans 3:23

 For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God

That verse proves that God knows we’re all sinners.  We mess up at times.

Psalm 78: 38, 39

But He, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, And did not destroy them.  Yes, many a time He turned His anger away, And did not stir up all His wrath; For He remembered that they were but flesh, A breath that passes away and does not come again.

See, God knows that we’re only human.  He is compassionate, and forgiveness is ours if we only ask for it.  But that hardest part about seeking forgiveness or feeling unworthy of forgiveness is the unwillingness to forgive ourselves.

Sometimes, we feel like we have screwed up our lives so much that we aren’t deserving of a good, happy life.  But that’s not true.  God has forgiven us when we repent of our sins.  Why can’t we forgive ourselves?

Psalm 103:12

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

That’s a good question.  One I struggled with for years.  I couldn’t see past the mistakes I’d made.  But, they happened.  I had to learn to accept that.    

Sheila Walsh in “Let Go” says

“To say that we don’t deserve to be forgiven is to make our sin more powerful than the blood of Christ. If God forgives us, then we must forgive ourselves…. Every sin was covered by the lifeblood of the Lamb.”

She also says, “…forgiveness means being comfortable with ourselves, the good and the bad.  We don’t have to be perfect.”

And she also says, “It’s vital, though, that we separate what we did from who we are.”

It’s hard to see our mistakes as a separate entity.  But that’s just what it is.  We made a mistake, but we don’t have to let it define us.  It’s separate from us.  We have to forgive ourselves to get peace of mind and healing from unforgiveness. 

Say this every day, “I’m not perfect.  I don’t have to be perfect.  If I mess up, I will ask for forgiveness, forgive myself, and live life.”

Learn to let go and forgive.  You are forgiven.  You are free from this unforgiveness trap.  Just accept it.

Feeling Unworthy of Love

Have you ever felt undeserving of anything?  Maybe you feel unworthy in the eyes of the person you love.  Maybe you feel unworthy of God’s love and forgiveness.  Maybe it’s unworthiness of your happiness or in your work place.  Sometimes you feel as if you don’t deserve any good thing in your life.

Why would you feel that way?  There has to be some reason that has made you feel this way.  Let’s look at one of those reasons right now.

You don’t feel like someone will ever love you or you don't deserve the love you've been given.

I used to feel that way.  Sometimes I still do.  You feel as if you need to lose weight to be beautiful.  Or you feel like you aren’t handsome enough, good enough.  Maybe you feel like your personality drives people away.  Maybe you think you aren’t attractive enough.  Sometimes you feel as if you’ll never find your significant other. 

This isn’t true.

Do you remember the post about being beautiful and the song, “Beautiful” by Mercy Me?

Well, a couple of years ago – maybe close to two – I was visiting my cousin.  I had been through a breakup and was feeling down about myself.  I had been talking to her about how I just wished someone would love me.  I felt fat, ugly and unlovable.

I wanted a husband, kids.  My cousin was married and my younger sister too.  I was the only girl in my family who wasn’t in a serious relationship.  I felt alone and worthless.  I wanted more out of my life than I was getting. 

After leaving my cousin’s house that night, I was driving home, listening to KLOVE’s radio station in my area and “Beautiful” by Mercy Me came on.

I could feel the Spirit of God coming over me.  I knew He wanted me to hear that song.  Especially the part that says, “You are treasured.  You are sacred, and you are His.”

It was then that God revealed to me that I’m His.  It doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks or says about me because I’m God’s child.  He made me.  How dare I think that I’m not worthy of anyone’s love, especially His. 

My life changed after that.  I no longer saw my life as a waste of time or wishing for things I didn’t have.  I’m worthy of love – God’s love and whoever my future husband will be.

I’m still not married, and sometimes, it sucks.  I want that relationship with another human being.  But right now, it’s not in God’s will for my life, so I’ll focus my attention on God and dive deeper into His Word.  But, I won’t forget that I AM in fact worthy of this love because I am God’s child. 

He created me.  He molded me into His image.  He wants the best for me and doesn’t want me to settle for second best.

Do I know God’s will for my life?  No – but I know what He promised me.  A good life – good but not always easy.  The desires of my heart but within His will, not mine. 

I know that sometimes it’s not easy feeling worthy.  In fact, our human nature wants us to feel like we aren’t good enough, but God has said that we are His children.  He created us, and He wants us to realize that we are worthy because He sent his Son to die for our sins.  His blood has us covered.  We just have to remember that.  God loves us.  What can man do to us if God loves us? 

“What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31