When you're not a Jonah...Speaking about Angels

I stand in front of the congregation. My voice is shaking. My hands are shaking, and I just *know* people are judging me. (But they weren't. I have the best church family. I was just in my own head.) I was afraid that I wasn't good enough. That I was too fat to stand in front of the church. That I wasn't good enough.

But...I once I began to speak - things changed.

Back in November, I wrote a blog post, I Don't Want to Be a Jonah. I talked about how I was nervous about speaking in front of my church about angels, something that I didn't feel qualified to do. Well, I finally spoke at my church back in March, over a month ago. (I know. I'm late with this post. I'm sorry to those who were expecting it sooner.) And, I did better than I thought I would. I was nervous, yes, and it was evident in my shaky, breathless voice. But I did it. I did what God asked of me. I wasn't a Jonah.

I think that's the thing that makes me the happiest. God didn't have to get my attention by me refusing to do what He has asked of me. Even though I was nervous and scared that I would screw up something, He helped me through. He gave me the words to speak, and I did it.

And it helped others. God used my words, words that He had given me, to help people in my church and their families. That night, I received word from someone who had used what I'd said to call on angels to help her family when a tornado tore through their community.

I mean, come on. How awesome is our God?! The timing was perfect, and I was even blessed by a sweet couple in our church just for being obedient to God.

The thing is, I wasn't qualified for this job. I wasn't, but God qualified me. He has given me insight into angels that I didn't even realize I knew about until I was preparing to speak at my church. And it was then that I realized that God could use me, my voice, to change things. Okay, well, I've realized that He could before then, but I always thought it would be in a different way, such as using my voice to spread the #loveyourself message that has become so important to me. And I can still do that, but I can also speak about angels and what I know about them. Or whatever else God has me speak about.

It's silly to think that I can only speak about one thing, if I really think about it. Pastors and speakers don't only speak about one topic, so why should I be any different? I don't write blog posts that are the same when I post on here. Why would speaking be any different?

My biggest fear was that I didn't know what I was doing and would say something totally unrelated to what God said about it. I know it was probably just the devil messing with me, and I let him. I let him tell me that I would make a mistake and accidentally tell something that wasn't exactly right.

I don't really remember what I said that night, but I do know that many people stopped and talked to me, telling me their own angel experiences or how much they enjoyed what I said. I loved hearing their angel experiences, and if you have one, let me know! I would love to hear about it!

Since I can't exactly remember what I spoke about, below is my speech. I hope you guys enjoy it and let me know your experiences!

If the embedded file doesn't work, here is the link to it: Speaking about Angels 

I Don’t Want to Be a Jonah

Lately, I’ve been afraid. I’ve been afraid of stepping into what God has ordained for my life. The pastor’s wife, who is technically one of the pastors of my church, came up to me during service one Sunday and gave me a Word from God. In this Word, she emphasized that she believed God wanted me to speak in front of the church one evening service for kind of a discussion about angels because she believed that God had given me a special insight into them because of my book series, Entertaining Angels. 

Let me pause a moment and say that I’ve felt a pull of sorts to speak about my story after I wrote Entertaining Angels. I always thought it was to help women/teen girls/girls see their worth in themselves and in the eyes of the Savior. I never once thought that I knew anything more about angels than any other person. To be honest, I’m still not sure that I do. 

Okay, let’s go back to what my pastor’s wife was telling me. She believes that God has given me some insight into angels that our church needs to hear. Now, as the mighty woman of God she is, who am I to disagree with her? She knows that God wants me to do this. To be honest, I know that He does as well, but I’m scared. 

I’m a terrible speaker. I get nervous, and I mess up my words. I don’t look at the crowd when I speak, and I sound very canned and unnatural. Not to mention, I feel like everyone is judging me based on my looks and everything about me. (Yes, I know I preach loving yourself, and I do love myself. Some things are just harder to overcome, but I’m working on it.)

Why would God choose me to do this? I’m better at typing out my words than I am at speaking them. I’m no expert on angels, and frankly, I’m unqualified. But then I was reminded of a few things. 

One of them is that none of us are qualified in the technical sense. We’re all as unqualified as can be, but that doesn’t mean that God hasn’t qualified us. He has. God has taken the most unqualified people and qualified them to do a job FOR HIM. I have to remind myself that I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it for God, and He will give me the words to speak to His people. Whether it’s for this speaking engagement or others. Even with my books. 

Another point I was reminded of was that Moses was chosen to lead the people of Israel, and he felt the same way that I do. He had a stutter, and he wasn’t that great of a speaker, but his brother, Aaron, helped him speak. I have people around me who can help. My dad, he’s my spiritual leader, and as a preacher, he is in this position a lot. The people at my church are super supportive. They aren’t going to cast me aside if I mess up a few words or stutter. They aren’t going to make fun of me, and I know that even though I feel like Moses, I can do this. Just like he did. 

And then, there is Jonah. We all know that Jonah ran from God when He wanted him to go to Ninevah and preach. And we all know what happened to Jonah for his disobedience. He was swallowed by a whale and spent three days in the belly of it before he was vomitted back on land where he made sure he got to Nineveh faster than it was supposed to take! Am I saying that God will cause a whale to swallow me? No, but I’m saying that I can relate to Jonah. I know how it feels to not want to do something that God has asked you to do. I know how scary it is to step up and face your fear. 

Even as I type this, I know I will do what has been asked of me, but I also feel very nervous about it. I’m unsure about the task ahead. How am I supposed to give a speech about angels? What do I talk about? What if  I get something wrong and share a misconception instead of a fact? But I have to remember, God WANTS me to do this, and He WILL equip me for this. I know one thing for sure. I don’t want to be a Jonah. 

Whatever you’re facing today, just know that God is the one who qualifies you. He is the only One who knows what you need more than you do, and He’s the One you’re working for. Because when it’s all said and done, you’re doing this to glorify Him. We have to keep that in mind as we step into whatever God has called us to do. Whether it’s preaching, teaching, speaking, writing, God will provide the answers you seek, and He will give us the strength and means to do whatever He has sent us in the world to do. There’s one thing I know for sure. We got this.

It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect. Psalm 18:32

As a side note, my books, Entertaining Angels and Before We Say I Do are free. Tomorrow's the last day to get them, though!