Vacations, Bathing Suits, and Body Issues…

I know it's been a while since I posted on here. I'm sorry. I need to keep it up better!

Some of you followers follow my other blog as well as this one. If you do, I'm sorry for the repeat. But there are followers on here that I wanted to see this post that don't follow my writing blog. So, here is the post on my writing blog that I wanted to share. It was hard to admit this, and it's very personal. But, it needed to be said. We all go through this struggle.

I recently took a long, over-due beach trip with my family. And you know what that means – swimsuits. I have a suit. It’s a tankini with shorts and a tank top-like top, for those of you who don’t know what that is. If you’ve seen my newest release, Entertaining Angels, around, you’ll also know that I’m trying to promote a healthy body image in women–and men–who need it.

Do you know how hard that is when you’re an overweight woman who is seeing all these cute little women running around in bikinis? You feel worthless and fat and ugly. Well, I did anyway. But, you know what, I went out there in my swimsuit anyway. I went in the ocean and got rolled by a wave, and I felt like a beached whale some. But, I also realized something, if people thought that about me, they didn’t say it. So, they probably weren’t thinking anything about it. It was just in my head.

What I’m trying to say is that, even though I’m trying to get this across to everyone that they are beautiful, I’m still human, and it’s a daily struggle to feel beautiful and have a healthy body image of myself. It’s not easy to look in the mirror some days and see myself as beautiful. I have a friend who will not let me doubt myself. He’s much like Chase, and I didn’t even realize that I had used him as an inspiration while I was writing Chase! Still, we both talked about the similarities the other day, and it was uncanny! But, the point of that is to tell you that he still won’t let me talk down about myself. And it took him years, but he’s gotten in my head. When I doubt myself, I think about what he would say if I told him my thoughts. It helps, but I also have to learn how to love myself and find myself attractive. Self-confidence is everything, and I was seriously lacking in that. I’m slowly gaining it, but I’m gladly gaining it.

Actually, real-life Chase shared this on his Facebook yesterday morning. :)

That’s why I’ve written Entertaining Angels. I realize that not everyone has a Chase to tell them how beautiful they are. So, I want to them to come to that conclusion on their own. Much like I’m working on myself. I want my book to do that for them too. I want people to see just how beautiful they are, and how much God loves them for who they are. Yes, this is a Christian novel, but it’s also a novel about self-esteem issues that even non-Christians have said was a beautiful reminder about learning to love oneself.

So, although I’m working on loving myself in a swimsuit and trying not to judge myself based on what others look like, I also hope that other women out there are doing the same thing. I hope that they’ve maybe read what I had to say in Entertaining Angels and are applying it to themselves. I hope they truly learn to love themselves. I don’t care if I never sell another book. I just want women–and especially teenage girls–to see that THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY THEY ARE!

Beach selfie! (No makeup by the way!)

Realizing Who You Are in Christ

I know that I haven't posted here in a while, and I hope you'll forgive me.  It feels like life has gotten in the way, but to be honest, I was running from this project of mine. It started as a way for me to blog and connect with you in a way to help you understand the meaning of peace and refreshing.

See, God gave me the idea for a short devotional book based on the posts on this blog.  I didn't want to write because it's something that's completely new for me.  How can I write about something with authority and hope that it stikes a cord with someone?  But see, it's not my job to connect with someone about their life.  My job is to write what God tells me to because HE KNOWS how to connect with that someone.  So, I've had to learn a valuable lesson, and I have to blog and finish my book.  THAT is my job.

If you've stuck with me this far, I commend you.  It's been an amazing and eye-opening journey for me, and I hope that it has for you as well.

So, let's get on to what this post will be about today.  Realizing who you are in Christ.

Who are we?  How do we see ourselves?  I guarantee that the way you see yourself now is much different than the way God sees us.

Let me show you.  If I were to describe myself, I'd probably tell you that I'm overweight, have adult acne that drives me insane, and I have frizzy hair that I cannot tame.  What image does that strike with you?  Definitely not one that puts off a GOOD image of me, right?  In all honesty, I am overweight, and I do deal with adult acne, but my face isn't covered with it.  I'm not ugly because of my weight, and although my hair is frizzy, I love my brunette curls.  I am not an ugly woman, and please do not take that conceitedly.  Let me tell you why I say that about myself.  God said I was beautiful.

He did.  He told me that I was beautiful because I was HIS DAUGHTER!!  I am a daughter of Christ, and as His daughter, I walk in His authority.  I'm a princess.  (He told me that too.)  I walk with authority, and a princess doesn't walk with her shoulders slumped and letting the world's views of what she looks like bring her down.  No.  Just because she doesn't fit the standards of the world's view of true beauty doesn't mean she isn't beautiful.  God told her she's beautiful so she walks with that affirmation in her heart.

See, we shouldn't care what the world thinks about us.  I don't.  I know that God says I'm beautiful, so I listen to Him. He's told me that I'm His princess, so I walk with that authority.  God told me that He is preparing my future, so I walk knowing that My God is taking care of me.  What else do I need?  I certainly don't need the lies of the devil and this world to bring me down and make me think that God's worth isn't something.  I'm holding out for God's promises, and I'm not looking back.

Sunday evening at church, I overheard a young girl of ten or eleven talking about her weight.  She said that she was fat for her age.  I called her over and said, "Honey, listen to me.  I don't want to hear you talking about yourself like that.  You certainly aren't fat, and you are a beautiful young woman.  So please, don't call yourself that because if you say it enough, you'll start believing it."

I know this from experience.  I called myself fat from the very first day that I heard others say that I was, and although I am overweight, I kept that "fat" attitude stuck in my head, never believing I was pretty enough or good enough for anyone else.  What I didn't know or want to believe was that it didn't matter. Who needs negative people in their lives?  Certainly not me!  I've cut ties with people who can't see me for my true worth which is God's Child.  They don't need a place in my life, and they don't need a place in yours either.

I encourage you today, look in the mirror and say, "I'm a beautiful Child of God and just because the world says I'm ugly doesn't mean it's true!  That's a lie out of the pit of hell, and I refuse to believe a lie of the devil!  I AM BEAUTIFUL!"

God has laid it on my heart to share my story with y'all.  That's just part of it, and I'm sure a more detailed version will come later.  I haven't written it out, and I'm kind of scared to.  I don't like dealing with that emotional side, but I've put some of that emotion into an upcoming Christian novel titled, Entertaining Angels.

I know I don't discuss my writing career on here much because this isn't what this blog is for, but Entertaining Angels was written for the sole purpose of teaching young women their true worth and beauty.  When it's finally released (which I hope will be in March), I'll announce it here as well.

Until then, you can sign up for my newsletter at www.emeraldbarnes.us to stay up to date with my writing career and follow ebarnes23.wordpress.com.

I hope you realize just how beautiful you are, brothers and sisters in Christ, and if you have a story to share, please share in the comments or through my email.  If you have questions about finding your true worth, I'll help as much as I can.  You can reach me at emerald_barnes (at) yahoo (dot) com

Much love and God Bless!
xoxo

Feeling Unworthy of Love

Have you ever felt undeserving of anything?  Maybe you feel unworthy in the eyes of the person you love.  Maybe you feel unworthy of God’s love and forgiveness.  Maybe it’s unworthiness of your happiness or in your work place.  Sometimes you feel as if you don’t deserve any good thing in your life.

Why would you feel that way?  There has to be some reason that has made you feel this way.  Let’s look at one of those reasons right now.

You don’t feel like someone will ever love you or you don't deserve the love you've been given.

I used to feel that way.  Sometimes I still do.  You feel as if you need to lose weight to be beautiful.  Or you feel like you aren’t handsome enough, good enough.  Maybe you feel like your personality drives people away.  Maybe you think you aren’t attractive enough.  Sometimes you feel as if you’ll never find your significant other. 

This isn’t true.

Do you remember the post about being beautiful and the song, “Beautiful” by Mercy Me?

Well, a couple of years ago – maybe close to two – I was visiting my cousin.  I had been through a breakup and was feeling down about myself.  I had been talking to her about how I just wished someone would love me.  I felt fat, ugly and unlovable.

I wanted a husband, kids.  My cousin was married and my younger sister too.  I was the only girl in my family who wasn’t in a serious relationship.  I felt alone and worthless.  I wanted more out of my life than I was getting. 

After leaving my cousin’s house that night, I was driving home, listening to KLOVE’s radio station in my area and “Beautiful” by Mercy Me came on.

I could feel the Spirit of God coming over me.  I knew He wanted me to hear that song.  Especially the part that says, “You are treasured.  You are sacred, and you are His.”

It was then that God revealed to me that I’m His.  It doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks or says about me because I’m God’s child.  He made me.  How dare I think that I’m not worthy of anyone’s love, especially His. 

My life changed after that.  I no longer saw my life as a waste of time or wishing for things I didn’t have.  I’m worthy of love – God’s love and whoever my future husband will be.

I’m still not married, and sometimes, it sucks.  I want that relationship with another human being.  But right now, it’s not in God’s will for my life, so I’ll focus my attention on God and dive deeper into His Word.  But, I won’t forget that I AM in fact worthy of this love because I am God’s child. 

He created me.  He molded me into His image.  He wants the best for me and doesn’t want me to settle for second best.

Do I know God’s will for my life?  No – but I know what He promised me.  A good life – good but not always easy.  The desires of my heart but within His will, not mine. 

I know that sometimes it’s not easy feeling worthy.  In fact, our human nature wants us to feel like we aren’t good enough, but God has said that we are His children.  He created us, and He wants us to realize that we are worthy because He sent his Son to die for our sins.  His blood has us covered.  We just have to remember that.  God loves us.  What can man do to us if God loves us? 

“What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

You're Beautiful!

This song really makes me cry every time I hear it because there is a story behind it that I will save for another day.  However, I think every girl/woman needs to know how beautiful she is!  You are God's child, and because of that, you are beautiful!