Feeling Unworthy of Forgiveness

Last time, we covered feeling unworthy of love.  Today, I’d like to cover the feeling of unworthiness of forgiveness.

Maybe you can’t see your own worth because of the mistakes you’ve made in your life.  But let me tell you something – You are not perfect.  Once you accept this, you’ll see that it’s easier to move past your mistakes.

Notice I said easier.  It won’t be easy.  This I know, but eventually, the pain will end, and you’ll move past it.

No one is perfect.  Let’s look at this phrase a little closer.

We are only human.  There is no way we can be perfect.  Sure, we ought to strive for perfection, but we’re going to screw up.  It’s just us being human!

No matter how hard we try not to sin or mess up, chances are we’re going to at least once or a couple of times our life. 

Romans 3:23

 For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God

That verse proves that God knows we’re all sinners.  We mess up at times.

Psalm 78: 38, 39

But He, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, And did not destroy them.  Yes, many a time He turned His anger away, And did not stir up all His wrath; For He remembered that they were but flesh, A breath that passes away and does not come again.

See, God knows that we’re only human.  He is compassionate, and forgiveness is ours if we only ask for it.  But that hardest part about seeking forgiveness or feeling unworthy of forgiveness is the unwillingness to forgive ourselves.

Sometimes, we feel like we have screwed up our lives so much that we aren’t deserving of a good, happy life.  But that’s not true.  God has forgiven us when we repent of our sins.  Why can’t we forgive ourselves?

Psalm 103:12

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

That’s a good question.  One I struggled with for years.  I couldn’t see past the mistakes I’d made.  But, they happened.  I had to learn to accept that.    

Sheila Walsh in “Let Go” says

“To say that we don’t deserve to be forgiven is to make our sin more powerful than the blood of Christ. If God forgives us, then we must forgive ourselves…. Every sin was covered by the lifeblood of the Lamb.”

She also says, “…forgiveness means being comfortable with ourselves, the good and the bad.  We don’t have to be perfect.”

And she also says, “It’s vital, though, that we separate what we did from who we are.”

It’s hard to see our mistakes as a separate entity.  But that’s just what it is.  We made a mistake, but we don’t have to let it define us.  It’s separate from us.  We have to forgive ourselves to get peace of mind and healing from unforgiveness. 

Say this every day, “I’m not perfect.  I don’t have to be perfect.  If I mess up, I will ask for forgiveness, forgive myself, and live life.”

Learn to let go and forgive.  You are forgiven.  You are free from this unforgiveness trap.  Just accept it.

Feeling Unworthy of Love

Have you ever felt undeserving of anything?  Maybe you feel unworthy in the eyes of the person you love.  Maybe you feel unworthy of God’s love and forgiveness.  Maybe it’s unworthiness of your happiness or in your work place.  Sometimes you feel as if you don’t deserve any good thing in your life.

Why would you feel that way?  There has to be some reason that has made you feel this way.  Let’s look at one of those reasons right now.

You don’t feel like someone will ever love you or you don't deserve the love you've been given.

I used to feel that way.  Sometimes I still do.  You feel as if you need to lose weight to be beautiful.  Or you feel like you aren’t handsome enough, good enough.  Maybe you feel like your personality drives people away.  Maybe you think you aren’t attractive enough.  Sometimes you feel as if you’ll never find your significant other. 

This isn’t true.

Do you remember the post about being beautiful and the song, “Beautiful” by Mercy Me?

Well, a couple of years ago – maybe close to two – I was visiting my cousin.  I had been through a breakup and was feeling down about myself.  I had been talking to her about how I just wished someone would love me.  I felt fat, ugly and unlovable.

I wanted a husband, kids.  My cousin was married and my younger sister too.  I was the only girl in my family who wasn’t in a serious relationship.  I felt alone and worthless.  I wanted more out of my life than I was getting. 

After leaving my cousin’s house that night, I was driving home, listening to KLOVE’s radio station in my area and “Beautiful” by Mercy Me came on.

I could feel the Spirit of God coming over me.  I knew He wanted me to hear that song.  Especially the part that says, “You are treasured.  You are sacred, and you are His.”

It was then that God revealed to me that I’m His.  It doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks or says about me because I’m God’s child.  He made me.  How dare I think that I’m not worthy of anyone’s love, especially His. 

My life changed after that.  I no longer saw my life as a waste of time or wishing for things I didn’t have.  I’m worthy of love – God’s love and whoever my future husband will be.

I’m still not married, and sometimes, it sucks.  I want that relationship with another human being.  But right now, it’s not in God’s will for my life, so I’ll focus my attention on God and dive deeper into His Word.  But, I won’t forget that I AM in fact worthy of this love because I am God’s child. 

He created me.  He molded me into His image.  He wants the best for me and doesn’t want me to settle for second best.

Do I know God’s will for my life?  No – but I know what He promised me.  A good life – good but not always easy.  The desires of my heart but within His will, not mine. 

I know that sometimes it’s not easy feeling worthy.  In fact, our human nature wants us to feel like we aren’t good enough, but God has said that we are His children.  He created us, and He wants us to realize that we are worthy because He sent his Son to die for our sins.  His blood has us covered.  We just have to remember that.  God loves us.  What can man do to us if God loves us? 

“What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

Learning to Forgive

There was something I always struggled with in my Christian life.  It was learning to forgive.  How can I trust someone who has continuously hurt me over and over again?  How could I ever deal with what that person did to me?  I never really realized that I was holding a grudge or not forgiving those I had let into my heart who had hurt me. 

One time, I said to my mom in a moment of sadness and rage that I wished I had never loved someone who had hurt me to the core.  I had given them my heart, and they ripped in two.  She told me, “Emerald, if you quit loving people, you’ll distance yourself from God and won’t let Him in because GOD IS LOVE.” 

That’s when I realized that no matter how much someone has hurt me, the most important thing was to forgive them for what they did so I could start the healing process.  Was it easy?  Gosh no!  It was the hardest thing I had ever done.  And, to be honest, I didn’t even realize I had not forgiven these people.  I thought I had, but true forgiveness wasn’t given.  I poured my heart out to God and finally forgave those that hurt me.  

I’m currently reading a book called “Let Go” by Sheila Walsh.  In that book, she talks about forgiving and the trap of unforgiveness.  She said a lot of brilliant things.  But these really rang true with me.  “…if we want to live free in Christ’s love, we must forgive.” 

Also, “I believe we can only really forgive when we acknowledge the depth to which we have been wounded and allow ourselves to ‘own’ the pain….[to]face the truth that we are wounded.”

And “We need to accept that we live in a world where at times pain is just part of the package.  When we humbly admit that we are wounded and allow ourselves to feel that pain, only then can we bring it to Christ for healing and begin the process of forgiveness.”

These are just three quotes in an entire chapter that makes you see how forgiving and letting go and letting God can bring about healing of the pain we’re struggling with. 

I know it’s hard.  I want to hold grudges and hate the people who have hurt me, but that isn’t the best way to live.  We have to love because GOD IS LOVE!  Learning to love and not hate is something that will come about once we experience true forgiveness for the pain caused in our lives.

Now, I want to talk about something that isn’t related to others.  It’s about learning to forgive ourselves.  We can hate ourselves for the mistakes that we have made or for other reasons.  But the fact is, we can forgive others, but true forgiveness also requires for us to forgive ourselves! 

Why shouldn’t we extend the same forgiveness towards ourselves that we give to others?  God has forgiven us of our sins once we repent of them and forgotten them.  Why can’t we?  Because we’re human.  But once we give our burdens to Christ, forgive ourselves, we can move on and be free of pain!  Isn’t that something to look forward to?!  Not hurting… To be pain free.  To move on with our lives?! 

That sounds like a good idea to me.  I know that pain lasts much longer than we ever want it to, and as clichéd as it is, time will heal all wounds.  But there are things that we must learn to let go of in order to start the healing process.  And, forgiving others and ourselves is part of that. 

We can’t shut out God.  He wants to help us.  He wants us to forgive others.  He wants us to forgive ourselves.  He loves us.  He wants us to be happy and free!  Freedom is in Him, but it’s important for us to forgive in order to be free!