When God rewards your bad behavior…

I am ashamed to even write this, but I think we’ve all been where I was a time or two.

For a few weeks now, I’ve been in a financial need for one specific bill. The minimum is extremely high, and I’ve had a hard time getting the money because work is slow. That’s no one’s fault. I just haven’t been able to get any business and pay my bill. (I’m also ashamed to mention that, but for this story to be told, you have to know it.)

Back in January, I began to pray that God would send me the money I needed. I was sure that He told me, “Watch Me.” The money never came. They added a late fee on top of February’s payment. And now, even more money it due. It was due on Saturday, and I had faith that it was going to come. God is always faithful to deliver, right? It didn’t come.

By now, my faith had begun to waver. Well, it wavered on and off since January 20^th when the bill was due the first time, but at this point, the pressure of not having money was bearing down on me. The phone calls hadn’t stopped of them asking me to pay the money I owed. I finally told them I’d try, but I still wasn’t able to pay it.

Dummy me, I asked God why He would say, “Watch Me,” if He wasn’t going to do anything. I didn’t get a direct answer, but God did tell me to trust Him. Easier said than done, right? I have difficulty placing my trust when I feel like I’ve been rejected. I’m not saying that I thought God had rejected me, but I felt like my prayers hadn’t been answered. What’s the point of praying when He doesn’t?

Like I said, I was a big dummy. God has a plan for everything, even when it doesn’t seem like He is even answering prayers, He likely has something bigger and better planned, something our small, human minds can’t comprehend. My mind can’t possibly comprehend anything, apparently.

Well, things happened, afterwards, and I’ve had a migraine headache for days. My emotions are at their highest, and my nieces and nephews fell ill. Three of five had strep throat after having it two or three weeks ago. One of those nephews had strep throat, developed pneumonia, and then got strep throat again. Then, three of the kids had ear infections as well. So, that makes one with strep, two with strep and ear infections, one with just an ear infection. Then, after they were diagnosed with this, they ended up with the stomach virus.

If you know me, you know that I’m a huge baby when it comes to the stomach bug. I can’t stand it. I cry every time I come down with it, and I basically beg and pled with God each day to never let that happen to me. Like I said, huge baby. Anyway, three of the kids ended up with that, and since we all live together at the time being, I’ve been put at risk of getting it. (I'm claiming victory and NO SICKNESS though.)

Remember, I’ve had a migraine for days, which makes me sick to my stomach. My head is literally sore to the touch, making me dizzy and all the other symptoms that migraines cause. (Look it up if you don’t know. It’s awful.) My sister hasn’t slept in two days. Her husband gets a touch of the bug as well, and I’m doing my best to help her with the kids who don’t have it and trying to keep things clean. I’m emotional. I can’t stand it anymore. I'm literally breaking down, crying and begging God to end the sickness.

I have prayed like I’ve never prayed before. I’ve convinced myself I’ve gotten the sick stomach, or I will get it. Then I’ll talk myself out of it. I’m a bit of hypochondriac when it comes to this sickness. Anyway, I ask God for an answer, for confirmation that this over. I feel like I get it, so I go to bed not worrying. I wake up to a nephew with it, and I lose it.

“God, You said it was over. Why aren’t you answering my prayers? God, why? Why would you lie to me? Why would you tell me that it’s over when obviously it isn’t? Why, God? Why?!”

I don’t even wait for answer. I decide that it isn’t worth it. I’m not hearing God right when He talks to me anyway. What’s the point? Why even bother? I don’t pray. I don’t feel like praying. I’m over it.

“I’ll talk to you later God, but right now, I’m done.”

Let me remind you, yet again, of how much of an idiot I am.

I call my daddy. I’m such a daddy’s girl, y’all. We have a close bond, and he’s my spiritual guide as well. So if I have a problem, he’s the first one I turn to. Anyway, I call him, and he doesn’t give me the answer I want to hear. I obviously want him to side with me, but he’s much better than I am and sides with God.

He reminded me of Daniel when I asked him why God wasn’t answering my prayers. A messenger of God, an angel, was hindered for twenty-one days, yet Daniel stood fast, waiting for his answer. I wish I could say that I was that strong. I wasn’t. I broke. My faith had been shattered.

I shut God out. I believe that He was trying to speak to me, but I wouldn’t listen. I kept thinking, “Well, if I didn’t hear Him right this time, what else did I get wrong?” So I was determined not to listen. I didn’t pray like my dad told me to or even talk to my mom and get her to pray with me like I dad asked me to (because he was at work). I just whined and cried about my situation. I was an emotional wreck all day long.

My mom and I had to run a few errands and she told me to put on Yolanda Adam’s Victory and praise God. I didn’t want to, but if Momma says do something, you listen to Momma. I felt much better by the time we got into town, and I wasn’t even worried about the things that had been weighing heavily on my mind. 

As I was price matching peanut butter at the check out, the cashier said she needed to do the same thing with it because she just ran out of peanut butter, too. I gave her my paper because I was done with it, so she’d have it and remember to price match it. She thanked me three times, and then said, “You came to my line for a reason,” and then she said later on, “God will bless you for giving me your paper.” I didn’t think much of it. It was just a paper, and I was going to throw it away when I got home anyway. It was best for her to have it if she really needed it.

When we finished loading the groceries in the back of the van, Mom looked at me, seriously, and said, “Pick that money up off the ground.” I turned around, and there was a $20 lying there. It didn’t belong to anyone around because there wasn’t anyone around. We looked. There wasn't anyone near us.

It was just there, soaking wet from the rain. As soon as I got into the van, I started crying. Momma said, “God just said you weren’t broke anymore.”

It was a reminder that He loved me and was still looking out for me, even when I was an insolent child who had forgotten how much He actually loved me. 

I was ashamed, but I knew that even though I was ashamed, He would tell me not to be ashamed because that was one of the many things that Jesus had hung on the cross for. As I relayed my story to Dad, laughing, he said, “Condemnation isn’t part of a Christian’s life. God doesn’t condemn you.”

He doesn’t, and He shows us mercy, grace, and favor even when we’re unmerciful in blaming Him for forgetting us and/or not answering our prayers.

It is my goal to try and be more faithful, to remember that God is watching out for me even when I don’t think He is. It’s my job to put faith where my worry is and remember that God loves me. In the end, that’s what matters. That’s what causes Him to work. My pleading and whining and crying won’t do any good if I don’t believe that He loves me. And He does love me. He loves me, you, us more than we could ever comprehend.

Whatever it is that you’re going through today, just remember that God is faithful, even when we’re not. He’s taking care of His kids, and He loves you.

God wants us to be Healed, Whole, and Delivered

I saw a commercial the other day for some kind of medicine. I’m not sure what kind it was, maybe for arthritis, but what I noticed was that the list of side effects was extensive and well, I think death was probably one of the side effects. I’m serious. I think it said something about heart failure, and well, we need our hearts to survive. I told my mom that I’d rather deal with the arthritis or whatever it was than face the side effects of the medicines. But then it hits me. We don’t HAVE to put up with anything. God wants us to be whole, healed, and delivered.

1 Peter 2:24 (ESV) states, “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.” Notice the “you have been” part of that verse. That means we were already healed. That healing is ours for the taking. So why are we putting our faith in the medication that could cause heart failure?

It’s not easy, putting our very health in someone else’s hands completely. It’s not that we want to be sick, it’s just that “Well, it happened. What else can I do?” attitude that is keeping us in our current state of mind. Not only that, we put our faith in medications and other remedies to heal us when in fact, we only have to pray and receive for our healing.

This faith doesn’t even have to do solely with healing. What else do we need in our lives? Why don’t we have them? Are we not putting enough faith into our prayers? Do we even think that it’s worth praying for?

I can tell you that no matter how small your request is, God will answer it, and He will supply whatever need you have.

Don’t limit what God can do for you. He wants to help us succeed in our social, emotional, physical, and financial aspects of life. Most importantly, have the faith that NO MATTER WHAT, God will in fact hear your cries. He will heal you. He will deliver you.

Psalm 100 v.3 Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. v.5 For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

"Fear not, little flock..." How is fear trapping you?

Fear – it can bind us in so many different ways.  There is a fear of the unknown or our future, sometimes even our past, death, and in times of trouble.  We’re scared of things that we shouldn’t be, but you know, it’s human-nature to fear things that aren’t in our control.  I’m not talking about ghosts or zombies either.  What I’m talking about is a fear that will inevitably keep us from trusting that God has things in His control.  But, He ALWAYS has things under control. 

Our future is something that we will always be concerned about – especially when things aren’t going the way we want for it to.  Our life can take an unexpected turn, and then, boom, the devil is whispering in our ear telling us to be scared – that God has forsaken us and left us.  So, we end up FEARING the unknown future because we think that God has tossed us aside because we aren’t getting what we want in our life.

Proverbs 29:25 NKJV says, “The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.”

Let’s begin with the first line of this verse.  “The fear of man brings a snare…”  A snare is a trap.  It’s a trap that will keep us from trusting in the Lord.  Fear binds us from where we need to be in our steps with God. 

There was a time that I feared dying more than anything else in my life.  I feared that one morning my nieces would walk up stairs to wake their Auntie Em and find that I had died in my sleep.  But why should I fear dying?  Why should I let Satan trap me by making me fear the one thing that would bring me to God?  This had become a constant battle with me as I lay my head on my pillow each night.  I would lie in bed crying at times because it scared me so badly.  But one day, I let it go.  I let that fear go and began trusting that God would protect me and keep me in His loving arms. 

“…But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.”  And I’m still here.  I haven’t died, and I’m living to tell a story that someone needs to hear. 

Fear is a trap, and we just have to cut ourselves out of it by trusting the Lord.  Oh but trust is so hard!! How can we trust that our future will go where we want it to?  How can we trust that we’ll live through the night to see another beautiful day?  How can we trust that our past is really behind us and won’t rear its ugly head again? 

That’s were faith comes in.  Hebrews 11:1 NKJV says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  Faith is believing that things are taken care of, believing that whatever it is you are fearing is in God’s control.  God has His hands on your life.  He will protect you.  Just seek Him.    

Psalm 34:4 NKJV says, “I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.” 

God will take these fears away.  He knows that we’re only human, and that it’s in our nature to worry and fear.  But, what He wants from us is to trust Him, seek Him, and believe in Him because he has our best interests at heart. 

One Sunday our pastor said, “Faith is a motivator, not fear.”  It’s true.  Faith will motivate us.  Faith will cause mountains to move.  Fear will cripple us and trap us inside our own minds. 

Luke 12:32 NKJV -  “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”  God is watching out for us.  He has our best interests at heart.  Why should we fear when all we have to do is seek God and His kingdom? 

I will leave you with this verse. 1 John 4: 18 NKJV “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.  But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”

Be made perfect in love, the Love of God.  God is perfect love.  He casts out the fear in our lives, so we won’t be tormented.  God doesn’t want us to be miserable.  He wants us happy.   

“Fear not, little flock…”  

Where is God?

Have you ever felt like you cannot be comforted from whatever it is that is bothering you?  Maybe you feel like nothing will ever be right in your life again, that whatever hurts you will forever hang over your head.

You cry out the words, "Where is my help?"  And the verse may come to mind, "My help comes from the Lord."

You think, where is God in this?  Don't fret.  You aren't the only one who has thought that.  Even in the Bible, say in Psalm 119:82, it says,

"My eyes fail from searching Your word, Saying, "When will You comfort me?"

Sure, there are answers to your problems in the Word of God.  There are times, though, that you can read through the Bible and not find anything to help you deal with your problems.  Or, you find them but they don't alleviate your worries and concerns.

So you keep praying, and you keep searching. Good.  Keep doing do that.  Because, you WILL find GOD the more you read the word and search for Him.

He hasn't moved.  The problem is us.  We aren't casting all of our worries on God.  We aren't letting go of our problems and giving it to Him.

I've done this.  I've prayed and prayed until I felt like my prayers were bouncing off of the ceiling.  I felt like God wasn't hearing my cries for help, and I felt like if He was hearing them, He wasn't answering them.

That of course wasn't the case.  The answers I wanted weren't in God's will.  He was hearing me, and He was answering my prayers.  He just wasn't answering them the way I wanted Him to, but after some thought, and a good read through Psalms, I knew that I had to "Let Go and Let God."

He wants to help us.  He wants to comfort us, but we won't let Him.  We, as humans, want to fix the problems ourselves.  We want God to take a lead from us and follow our directions, but we can't do that.  We have to follow God's directions for our lives - the Word.

When you feel like God isn't near, I beg you to reconsider your thoughts.  God is right there.  Waiting.  Waiting on you to come to Him and let Him be the Father that He wants to be.  He wants to comfort His child.  It isn't His will to make us suffer.  We make ourselves suffer by not giving into Him and falling into His loving arms that are waiting for us.

Psalm 121: 1, 2

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills - From whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth."

I encourage you to read the rest of Psalm 121.  I encourage you to read through Psalms when you're hurting.  God wants to help you.  God IS your help.  Just call on Him, cast your burdens on Him, and He will deliver you.

Psalm 55:22

"Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved."

1 Peter 5:6, 7

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon him, for He cares for you."

Cry out to the Lord

 

Guys, sometimes it's hard to remember that no matter the storm we're traveling through, there is a light amidst the storm.  God will calm the storm and will bring us out of the things that distress us the most. 

Feeling Unworthy of Love

Have you ever felt undeserving of anything?  Maybe you feel unworthy in the eyes of the person you love.  Maybe you feel unworthy of God’s love and forgiveness.  Maybe it’s unworthiness of your happiness or in your work place.  Sometimes you feel as if you don’t deserve any good thing in your life.

Why would you feel that way?  There has to be some reason that has made you feel this way.  Let’s look at one of those reasons right now.

You don’t feel like someone will ever love you or you don't deserve the love you've been given.

I used to feel that way.  Sometimes I still do.  You feel as if you need to lose weight to be beautiful.  Or you feel like you aren’t handsome enough, good enough.  Maybe you feel like your personality drives people away.  Maybe you think you aren’t attractive enough.  Sometimes you feel as if you’ll never find your significant other. 

This isn’t true.

Do you remember the post about being beautiful and the song, “Beautiful” by Mercy Me?

Well, a couple of years ago – maybe close to two – I was visiting my cousin.  I had been through a breakup and was feeling down about myself.  I had been talking to her about how I just wished someone would love me.  I felt fat, ugly and unlovable.

I wanted a husband, kids.  My cousin was married and my younger sister too.  I was the only girl in my family who wasn’t in a serious relationship.  I felt alone and worthless.  I wanted more out of my life than I was getting. 

After leaving my cousin’s house that night, I was driving home, listening to KLOVE’s radio station in my area and “Beautiful” by Mercy Me came on.

I could feel the Spirit of God coming over me.  I knew He wanted me to hear that song.  Especially the part that says, “You are treasured.  You are sacred, and you are His.”

It was then that God revealed to me that I’m His.  It doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks or says about me because I’m God’s child.  He made me.  How dare I think that I’m not worthy of anyone’s love, especially His. 

My life changed after that.  I no longer saw my life as a waste of time or wishing for things I didn’t have.  I’m worthy of love – God’s love and whoever my future husband will be.

I’m still not married, and sometimes, it sucks.  I want that relationship with another human being.  But right now, it’s not in God’s will for my life, so I’ll focus my attention on God and dive deeper into His Word.  But, I won’t forget that I AM in fact worthy of this love because I am God’s child. 

He created me.  He molded me into His image.  He wants the best for me and doesn’t want me to settle for second best.

Do I know God’s will for my life?  No – but I know what He promised me.  A good life – good but not always easy.  The desires of my heart but within His will, not mine. 

I know that sometimes it’s not easy feeling worthy.  In fact, our human nature wants us to feel like we aren’t good enough, but God has said that we are His children.  He created us, and He wants us to realize that we are worthy because He sent his Son to die for our sins.  His blood has us covered.  We just have to remember that.  God loves us.  What can man do to us if God loves us? 

“What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

Count Your Blessings; Not Your Losses

One morning, I woke up thinking about the things in my life that I had lost or wished that I had in my life that I didn't.  On the verge of tears, God spoke to me - not in an audible voice but in a thought.

Why aren't you focusing on your blessings instead of your losses?

My first thought was, "Yes Lord."  And then I really thought about it.  How do we lose sight of our blessings?  Why can't we be happy with what we've got and trust the Lord will give us what we need?

We can.  It's just a matter of "disciplining our flesh"as a great lady of God at our church said one Sunday morning.

See, our spirit is always at war with our flesh.  Our flesh wants us to dwell on temptations, losses and things that will bring our spiritual side into war with our flesh.

Romans 8: 5-6

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh; but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.  For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

We have to be spiritually minded to get that peace that God has promised us.  We have to dwell in Him and what He has provided us.  We need to focus on our Spiritual side (blessings) and not our flesh (losses).  If we lose sight of our blessings, we will suffer "death".  No,  not literal death, but spiritual death.  If you aren't spiritually minded, you can't live your life peacefully.

We, our flesh, wants us to focus on our losses, but God wants us to focus on our blessings!

What's the point of worrying over what we see as a loss when, in fact, it's a blessing in disguise?  Sure, it's hard to see it as a blessing at first, but God ALWAYS has a plan.  It's HIS blessing to us, to our future.

Because, let's face it, God knows WAY more about our future than we do.  He knows what we need.  He knows the desires of our hearts, and it's His will to give us those desires.

Remember last week's post about waiting patiently on the Lord?  That comes in handy while we wait for our needs and desires.  When we go through a tough time and have to wait, God is opening up the way for our future blessings.

When we wake up in the mornings, we should thank God for blessing us with life!  Don't listen to those lies that run around your head saying that it isn't a good day or you don't have a good life.  That's a horrible lie straight from the devil!

Psalm 118:24

      This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.

You have a pulse.  You woke up in the morning.  Look around at how much God has done for you.  He has given you life.  Blessings beyond your imagination!

Focus on those blessings!  And you'll have peace instead of worry!

Proverbs 10:22

       The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, And He adds no sorrow with it.

Learning to Forgive

There was something I always struggled with in my Christian life.  It was learning to forgive.  How can I trust someone who has continuously hurt me over and over again?  How could I ever deal with what that person did to me?  I never really realized that I was holding a grudge or not forgiving those I had let into my heart who had hurt me. 

One time, I said to my mom in a moment of sadness and rage that I wished I had never loved someone who had hurt me to the core.  I had given them my heart, and they ripped in two.  She told me, “Emerald, if you quit loving people, you’ll distance yourself from God and won’t let Him in because GOD IS LOVE.” 

That’s when I realized that no matter how much someone has hurt me, the most important thing was to forgive them for what they did so I could start the healing process.  Was it easy?  Gosh no!  It was the hardest thing I had ever done.  And, to be honest, I didn’t even realize I had not forgiven these people.  I thought I had, but true forgiveness wasn’t given.  I poured my heart out to God and finally forgave those that hurt me.  

I’m currently reading a book called “Let Go” by Sheila Walsh.  In that book, she talks about forgiving and the trap of unforgiveness.  She said a lot of brilliant things.  But these really rang true with me.  “…if we want to live free in Christ’s love, we must forgive.” 

Also, “I believe we can only really forgive when we acknowledge the depth to which we have been wounded and allow ourselves to ‘own’ the pain….[to]face the truth that we are wounded.”

And “We need to accept that we live in a world where at times pain is just part of the package.  When we humbly admit that we are wounded and allow ourselves to feel that pain, only then can we bring it to Christ for healing and begin the process of forgiveness.”

These are just three quotes in an entire chapter that makes you see how forgiving and letting go and letting God can bring about healing of the pain we’re struggling with. 

I know it’s hard.  I want to hold grudges and hate the people who have hurt me, but that isn’t the best way to live.  We have to love because GOD IS LOVE!  Learning to love and not hate is something that will come about once we experience true forgiveness for the pain caused in our lives.

Now, I want to talk about something that isn’t related to others.  It’s about learning to forgive ourselves.  We can hate ourselves for the mistakes that we have made or for other reasons.  But the fact is, we can forgive others, but true forgiveness also requires for us to forgive ourselves! 

Why shouldn’t we extend the same forgiveness towards ourselves that we give to others?  God has forgiven us of our sins once we repent of them and forgotten them.  Why can’t we?  Because we’re human.  But once we give our burdens to Christ, forgive ourselves, we can move on and be free of pain!  Isn’t that something to look forward to?!  Not hurting… To be pain free.  To move on with our lives?! 

That sounds like a good idea to me.  I know that pain lasts much longer than we ever want it to, and as clichéd as it is, time will heal all wounds.  But there are things that we must learn to let go of in order to start the healing process.  And, forgiving others and ourselves is part of that. 

We can’t shut out God.  He wants to help us.  He wants us to forgive others.  He wants us to forgive ourselves.  He loves us.  He wants us to be happy and free!  Freedom is in Him, but it’s important for us to forgive in order to be free!